I miss you.

I had a sudden epiphany, and added everyone back who still has me on their Livejournal friend's list.

Crazy, I know. You guys are either very dedicated, or never update your friends page ;)


I'm really not on Livejourmal anymore, but would love to stay in touch. My purpose is really to invite you to my newly remodeled BLOG (click here! Go see it!)), which I'm quite proud of. This is also available THROUGH Livejournal, by clicking Here, but it makes my life much easier if you comment in my blog. Really, all it means is I may be much slower in responding, and you may not be able to see some of the awesome, thought provoking comments that come in.

Anyway, hope all is well with everyone. There are a lot of you I haven't "talked to" in years and it will be nice to hear from you again.

Much love,

Erin

Fixed the RSS Feed!

If you want to add my blog to your LIVEJOURNAL, andf read my posts just like you would a "normal" friend, (though we both know I'm not *that*) ;)  Click here!

http://syndicated.livejournal.com/bd78/

ok.  Enough shameless promoting.

No, really.  Enough.

xoxo

My syndication is broken right now, so you won't see updates until I can figure it out. 

Anyone know how to update my RSS Feed on LJ?  *Frustrating*

In the meantime, here's a link to my newest post.

Let's Eat Cake! | Confessions of a reformed “Other Woman.”

xoxo

Oh, and I'm back on Wordpress now, FOR now, officially, temporarily, WHATEVER.

Add me there. Again. Or not. :)

http://blackdove.wordpress.com/

oh yeah. . .you can add it so you can read it through LJ:

http://syndicated.livejournal.com/bd78/

I'm back on the Livejournal train, (temporarily before taking up more permanent residence at Wordpress) after feeling pressure and drama to not let Myspace get the better of me. I lost that battle, not because of the drama, but because of my inability to not let it get to me. There was an awakening of sorts, and I realized that I, once again, was going against one of my life's mottos: "Selfishness is not living your life as you choose, it's expecting others to live their lives as you choose." I had a hard time following that, and I took the cheap and easy way out, and simply left Myspace.

I am having issues with this, as you can imagine.

Please, someone tell me how it is possible to maintain a long term relationship without trying to change the person you are with. I love Luke - I loved him when I met him and I love him even more today. I accepted him as-is, and wouldn't have chosen to make anything different back then (except normal human flaws, which quite honestly, the man had very little of). Is it only controlling women that do this? I seem to see it everywhere, in every age, gender and type of relationship. How many of you know men who can't even hang out with their friends anymore because their woman is so controlling. Or women who can't even talk to their male friends anymore because their boyfriend will have a jealousy fit? This is the person I strive NOT to be, yet every bit of me struggles against it.

Could it be that once enough time goes by, the flaws begin to show themselves, and we're trying to change the person back to who they were? Or is it that we (I) have to be in control of everything in our lives, and eventually that reaches out to touch the ones closest to us? "They" say it's a product of insecurity, and I *guess* I believe that, but. . . but, I'm really confident and actually egotistical and I love myself and my life, so the whole insecurity thing is really lost to me. Yeah, yeah, there are days I feel too fat to leave the house, and certain people can make me feel really OLD, and some strippers can make me lament over my baby fat from my 12-year-old non-baby, but all in all I think I'm a great catch, and being driven to change someone in fear of losing them just seems out of place for me.

I am fortunate enough that I catch myself in these thought patterns, and try to change them as soon as possible. The only problem is, I don't know how to make the FEELINGS go away. I can change my actions, like leaving Myspace and leaving Luke the hell alone with the things I want to say, but these are surface changes and will only eat a hole into my heart if I don't deal with the blood and guts of it all.

I'm just not sure where to begin.

Our photos from the fantastic Mina Bast will be featured at Art Walk this Thursday in Pioneer Square. That means big, blown up images of me and Luke's half naked bodies ;) Greeting cards too! Crazy.

Anyway, come check it out! Buy us!!

Art Walk
114 Alaskan Way #506
THIS Thursday (the 4th)

Anytime after 6. . .

See you there!

I'm a little drunk tonight, and fire rumbles in my veins, these pages etched with chicken wire, passing slowly through your fingertips. The breath of former geniuses fogging up my focus, lost thoughts on foreign papers, buried deeply in their tombs. Will they ever see light again? Will the moment come when mountains crumble and desolate wastelands grow rich with fruits, as wild as our imaginations?

No, alas, those moments have passed, and stories of bitter old women and maladjusted kings will remain restless in their chambers, waiting, perhaps for another artist, brilliant with her stroke, with a light bright enough to reach their withered faces, cold and broken, to unearth them from their shallow graves.

Until then, I will sit with these thoughts, these words, which no one can bring out of me. I will watch as others answer the call, brilliant descriptions of wars won, loves lost, and that delicate balance between passion and death.

oh yeah, and while I'm at it. . . if any of you were interested to read the Pros and Cons of open relationships that came out in the magaizine last month, here it is :)

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=76142&blogID=425841840&indicate=1

So I was reading a friend of mines journal asking what the pro's of being single were. I knew at one point I'd posted a "Pros and Cons of Living Alone," and I went to find it. I found it, written 5 years ago TO THE DAY, when I had just ended a two year relationship and was living alone in Kirkland.

I wrote this to a response in the comments:

"I almost hope sometimes (oh, I hope I don't regret hoping this), that I'll get Evicted, just so I'll be forced to buy a cute little apartment in Seattle. One of those older ones in a brick building, with some unique characteristic, like a mural wall. "

It's a little ironic, that's all. Not only was it to the day, but it's exactly what I'm in now. We even have the mural.

I guess I knew I was exactly where I wanted to be, I just didn't realize it was so. . .precise. I guess you really can manifest your reality :)


K: Here's the original post, not as inspiring as I'd hoped, but there's a few pros in there that might help ya :)

http://blackdove1978.livejournal.com/2003/08/22/

Did a steamy new photo shoot with Mina Bast. It was. .. amazing to say the least. It's one thing to make love to your partner. . . it's entirely different knowing each moment will be captured on film. Really slowing down and taking the time to touch, to feeeeeel. . . god I sound like a hippie.

Was experiencing some body issues for a little while there. Talked about it a bit on Myspace blog. Anyway. Mina is so amazing, she really really made me feel sexy, and the photos actually turned out way better than I'd hoped. I keep looking at them just to see how beautiful Luke is.

I'm a sap today. Anyway. Pics are up, check them out on my Myspace.

http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=76142&albumId=2951790

Here's a sample :)